A Piece of My Mind…A Very Small Piece

How much does the mind affect the body? I bring this up because of a particular condition I possess which is quite difficult to understand. It has taken varying forms over the years, and has been quite the nuisance at times. Now, however, the same pattern affects my job, which of course is ministry. I speak of a health condition; it is not so much a particular ailment (as the specific malady is what has changed as the years have gone by) as it is the timing of the flare-ups of such ailments.

Long ago, in the halcyon days of school, I had a tendency to get sick (or at least, the sickest) during those times when I needed to be somewhere important, usually band/music-related. Allow me to give you some examples:

• I was hospitalized with lung problems during the weekend of all-district band in my eighth grade year, leaving the hospital and directly making the hour-long drive to participate. I missed the auditions, sat last chair, and missed the concert because I was too weak.
  
• I was hospitalized the week before the Kentucky Music Educators Association State Marching Band Competition in my sophomore year of high school, being dismissed at noon on a Friday, and on a bus making a cross-state trip by five that evening.
  
• My junior year of high school marked my first entry into the All-State Symphonic Band, at fourth-chair trumpet. I missed said concert because of illness.
  
• I acquired the flu just prior to leaving for the governor's inaugural parade, the song being performed having an important trumpet solo from yours truly. I missed the parade, and the song had to be changed at the last minute.
  

There were other bouts of illness which I could relate, but there were also those high points in which illness played no part: band clinics, other district band concerts, and my senior year being first chair All-State Orchestra. But the propensity for my body to assimilate bugs of all sorts during those moments of intense importance to me and others has always struck me as odd. It was even joked about by friends and teachers: "Competition is coming up. Book a hospital room for Chris." Chances were very good that if sickness came knocking, it would be at the worst possible time.

It's been a long time since I've had any "serious" bouts of lung problems, but a new issue has crept onto the scene: all things stomach-related. To keep from being too crude, let us just say that the tummy-region has been a source of great pain, embarrassment, annoyance and inconvenience. On a few occasions it has been so bad that I sincerely thought that I would soon be face-to-face with the Creator. Most times, though, it's just enough to stop me from doing what I both want and need to do. Now that I am no longer involved in the school band scene, and now have what I consider the most important and sacred job a person can have, can you guess when these fights with stomach-related problems most frequently occur? Anyone? Anyone?

That's right. Sundays and Wednesdays.

So, knowing what I know (that I have stomach problems dating back two decades, and that I have to preach every Sunday and Wednesday) I am forced to ask myself: are my sick moments caused by the randomness of illness, extremely bizarre timing (which some would call "dumb luck"), or is it partially psychosomatic? Is there something in my subconscious mind that makes me sick at the worst possible times? Those who have known me since those school days would say that the pattern is simply continuing, probably opting for the psychosomatic angle previously mentioned. Others may say that it is merely the forces of evil attempting to halt me from my God-appointed mission of carrying the Gospel message to the congregation each week.

Whatever the case, I don't like it. I don't like it at all. There aren't really words to describe how much I don't like it. However, I have been forced to take the following approach, one which I did not realize earlier in my life but have matured into as I've grown older. If it's just bad timing, then there's nothing I can do about it, so just do the best I can. If it is Satan trying to discourage and destroy me, then I just more fully place my trust in the Lord, for He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world. But what if it's God? What if the Lord Himself is allowing these waves of illness to crash upon my life's shores on the aforementioned days of the week? In that case, there must be some reason. Perhaps it is to teach me understanding for those who themselves suffer and are prevented from doing what they want to do, including coming to church. Perhaps it is to test my faithfulness (will I move forward with my ministry or let it cripple me? Will I let it rule me, or will I rule it? Will I trust in God to see me through, or will I give up?). Maybe it is to show others what God is capable of doing.

Christ promised us that life would be a bed of roses. Now before you go and say otherwise, let me explain. Life is indeed a bed of roses. However, that rose bed comes with stems and thorns and weeds and poison ivy and bees and those little bugs that make you itch even though you can't really see them. No matter what hand is dealt to us, we must play the hand to the best of our ability. I am always apprehensive when Sunday and Wednesday roll around, wondering if I will be sick or not, and if sick, just how bad it will be. Just this past Sunday, a day of baby dedications and adult baptisms and Vacation Bible School Commencement and singing and sermons, I felt much like the result of my stomach ailment (I'll just let you figure that one out). But this time it continued through Monday, with a little bit of debilitating, go-to-bed-and-stay-there headache thrown in for variety. That, at least made me feel a little better, knowing I was sick on a non-church day.

So, I guess my job is to remain positive, trust the Lord, and do the very best I can in my ministry. And if it is all in my mind, I guess what others have said still rings true: I suppose I really do put the "psycho" in "psychosomatic." At any rate, if you have the time, say a little prayer for me on church days.

© 2007, Chris Keeton and Soulscape Press. All rights reserved. All material printed on this site is protected by the copyright law of the United States. It may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without the prior written permission of Chris Keeton and Soulscape Press, obtainable by leaving a comment (with your request) which will be forwarded to Chris Keeton. Altering or removing any trademark, copyright or other notice from copies of the content is not permitted. Any and all portions of material copied from the Soulscape Blog must be properly attributed to Chris Keeton and Soulscape, and cited with original blog web address.