Manageable But Unwelcome Uncertainties

It was a few months ago, March to be exact, when I made an entry in which I used the phrase "when it rains, it pours." Although my own little neck of the woods is experiencing drought conditions, in other areas of life the rains are indeed falling. Some things which occupy my mind are positive, others negative, but through it all the Lord's grace is sufficient.

The last couple of weeks have been particularly taxing for our family, with the discovery that my grandfather (who lives with us, who was at one time my pastor, and is still my mentor and friend) has developed cancer in his mouth. Through biopsies and unexpected medicine reactions to hospital stays, these last two weeks have been what I will call "crunch time." There comes a moment in life where faith is put to the test. This is not to say that faith is questioned, but that all the beliefs and all the words you've held to and spoken of for so long are brought before you.

In my case (as a pastor) I advocate trust and grace and peace on a weekly basis. But it's easy to say those things; it's an entirely different thing to live it. Over the years I've watched others confront their faith in courageous fashion; some have had a difficult time remaining at peace through the storms in their life. It had always been one of those defining questions for me: how would I handle rough situations in my own life? Perhaps better stated would be, "Will I be able to practice what I preach?"

As questions and crises have arisen these last couple of weeks, I have been aware of that tangible-yet-unexplainable peace not only in the lives of my grandparents, but also in myself. Is it any less difficult or painful? Not at all. But just underneath all the uncertainties and impulse to give into that paralyzing fear is that small ribbon of grace and peace which calms the tumultuous waters on life's sea. There is no way to know how the situation ends; there is no way to discover what a year, a month or even a day has in store for us. Yet there is no doubt that God will be there to see us through.

At a time like this it is not always easy to find the words. There are too many emotions, and with the Spirit of God there are not really words that exist to convey one's thoughts and feelings. But throughout it all it is possible to know that "it's going to be okay." Those aren't just words anymore. They are a lifeline.

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